Ty Wiggington, seen here doing handy 'utility jobs' for poor people with shitty houses.

From across the bows of the internet ships, you’ve no doubt seen the outrage on behalf of fans and baseball writers alike when the All-Star game rosters were announced. Certainly there were some very, very questionable inclusions. Personally, I, like many others, find some of the choices an affront to objectivity. But there are deeper issues beyond the simple “player X is more deserving than player Y” paradigm to which we’re likely desensitized to at this point.

With the game now having some discernible impact on the larger picture of baseball (and unashamedly too, which itself is comedic), no longer can we simply feign outrage and then say, “It’s just an exhibition anyway. Whatever.” It actually does matter, which is disappointing when the extreme terms and conditions made render it a logistic nightmare, and one that actually dilutes the quality of both teams. That said, we need to bear in mind that although the managers certainly have some autonomy in choosing players, we need to factor in the voting elements beyond their control. Fans vote starters, players get 16-17 picks for the next setting, then the manager can choose nine or ten players, though they’re required to have all teams in the league represented with at least one player. This essentially means the managers actually get about 5 choices themselves and then need to have a utility player, eating one “free” choice.

Some of the choices that have so many in a fury are a result of the player voting. Players, for whatever reason, have the tendency to make gaffes when they choose awards. See pretty much any awards voting of the past 100 years for more evidence. That’s to be expected. Matt Capps has 22 saves. He’s in! Jered Weaver? Who? Is that the guy on the Dodgers with the funny hair? No? Oh, never heard of him then. N0t an All Star.

The players also selected Adrian Gonzalez (over Joey Votto), Tim Lincecum (who’s definitely not having a great season), Phil Hughes, David Price and Clay Bucholz (over Liriano, King Felix and Jered Weaver), Marlon Byrd (Big Z would have been a more entertaining pick), Jon Buck (home runs!), Matt Holliday (not indefensible, but certainly not over Josh Willingham), and David Ortiz (who will spend much of the AS weekend searching for the real story on his steroid allegations). Lots of awful choices.

Managers and MLB — a foolish, dangerous position

The Meek shall inherit the AS game. Mostly because Bud Selig sucks.

For manager/MLB decisions, Girardi chose A-Rod, Wiggington, Carmona, Soria, Cahill, CC/Pettitte. Joe didn’t have much chance to do much with his selections since MLB requires every team has a representative. Carmona is probably the best Indians player eligible (though if Strasburg were selected, so too should Carlos Santana), Cahill or Andrew Bailey the most eligible on the A’s, and Joe had to get Soria before Kansas City sent him to AAA just for shits and giggles. Girardi selected Ty Wiggington as the utility player on the AL. Wiggington is Bodymore, Murdaland’s lone representative (Yo, where’s Wallace at?!). Because these players have to be in per MLB’s rules, Girardi really has his hands tied.

On the NL side, it didn’t go as smoothly as it did for The DHers, even if there are some quirks. Manuel chose Howard, Phillips, Infante, Bourn, Chris Young, Carpenter, Gallardo, Hudson, Evan Meek, and Arthur Rhodes as his choices.

Manuel had an impressive array of just strange decisions here. Arthur Rhodes? First off, I didn’t even know he was still alive, let alone pitching at an “All Star” level (he’s not). Omar Infante? Well, that’s Selig’s hysterical choice; a continuing overreaction from the tie game years ago. It’s like the ex-girlfriend that moved on years prior but he’s still playing around with a hair doll of her, plotting to destroy her credit score as scrambled porn flickers in the background. Chris Young is actually a kind-of decent choice, though for laughs I think Manuel should have brought on Chad “Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds” Qualls as the D-Back rep. He doesn’t mind taking Ryan Howard over superior options, so why not take Qualls?

Evan Meek will be in California to represent the hapless Pirates. Sure, he has an ERA of under 1 and an ERA + of 424, but he’s a middle reliever. Wouldn’t Andrew McCutchen make sense since he’s the only actual player on the team playing at an AS level?  Manuel chose Infante because MLB issued a directive that a utility player must be in the game. The idea is Infante can be inserted into the game whenever and re-enter once, should a position be lost due to injury or the need to get most of the players in the game.

“That made my day. I give Charlie a lot of credit for that,” Chipper Jones said about Infante’s inclusion. He went on to remark, “You usually don’t see the utility guys get their due,” and later said, “Charlie’s doing his homework.” I hope it was sarcasm. And if not, at least some sort of PR move to support Infante, who himself was in disbelief, repeatedly claiming he thought he was traded.

Omar Infante isn't sure whether to "thank" Selig or Charlie Manuel. When beaten to death by Cincinnati fans, I doubt he'll thank either.

In essence, Girardi only selected A-Rod, Thornton and CC/Pettitte. To be fair, Pettitte hasn’t been as good as other pitchers on that list. It’s a damn shame, but that’s Joe’s call. Pettitte also makes it by virtue of him being the next in line in the fan voting, guaranteeing him a spot when Sabathia could not go, per MLB rules. And now, with Bucholz not able to pitch, I’m guessing Girardi will select Liriano or Weaver. Girardi knows what he’s doing and really, overall, it’s been pretty fair. I’ll later discuss why it was the only decision he could really make. A-Rod on the list? Again, it’s nepotism, especially when Adrian Beltre has been the far superior 3B this year and already the second 3B per the player voting. Still, there was really no other choice from Girardi’s vantage.

Fan voting – the power of Mauer

Fans, as we also know, are rarely better. If he were hitting .100/.139/.224, Derek Jeter would likely still be voted the starting shortstop. It’s little more than a popularity contest that simply factors fan allegiance and the traditionalist statistics (avg., rbi, hr, r, w, era, so, sv). Yet somehow the fans have voted Joe Mauer as the leading vote-getter for the Home Run Derby. Brett Gardner has more home runs than Mauer. Brewers pitcher Yovani Gallardo has as many as the Twins catcher with three. To give credit where credit’s due, the fans did a pretty decent job this year. Personally, I’d have voted for Miguel Cabrera over Justin Morneau and (gasp!) Alex Gonzalez over Jeter and made a few tweaks here and there, but really, they made the most complete list. I also would have had Votto as the DH and Pujols as the 1B. Sorry, Adrian.

Nepotism – beyond the pale

Alright, after about 1,200 words, we’re finally tying things down here. Sorry it was a bit long-winded. On the NL side, let’s be real — Ryan Howard is not an All Star. Undoubtedly. Yet he was taken by his manager Charlie Manuel over Joey Votto. Votto is in it for the eerily-titled “Final Vote” with other deserving selection Ryan Zimmerman. Let’s remember that while Manuel (foolishly, according to virtually every statistic available) chose Howard with one of his 5 or so selections, as I said earlier, he had no real choice from the position of pragmatism. It’s a complete no-win situation for the managers. They’re guiding contending clubs to the playoffs, managing a game in which they want to win for their league — and by virtue, team — because it gives them a decided advantage. And they also want to take their own players for the reasons you’d expect. Their ultimate responsibility is to their teams, not necessarily the league. Choosing an A-Rod or a Howard is better for them and their teams.

Recently arrested with Jamarcus Russell for drinking "Purple Drank," which supposedly led to Rhodes, Infante selections.

You can’t ask a guy to make an objective decision with a subjective, ridiculous process that could create a riff in his clubhouse if he chooses “the other guy.” Who knows how those players would react knowing their manager wasn’t “confident” in them? We’d like to say they’d be reasonable and say the other guy had a better half-season and they understand the choice. But athletes are very superstitious, very sensitive, very emotional and may not take a perceived slight well. Ego is part of what brought them to the top. I’m not sure it’s something they could just turn off, especially having been with their respective managers for so long. The managers also have the delicate task of selecting the best players but also not damning themselves. If I’m in Charlie’s place and I know Howard’s going to be pissed, pouty and won’t give me his all if he feels like I hung him out to dry, fuck Joey Votto. My commitment to the upgrade of Votto from Howard on the grounds of equity is laughable if my job could hinge on it. On the other side, people all over quickly say, “Charlie Manuel is a fucking moron. How could you pick Howard over Votto?!” How is either position good for Manuel? And while he should have probably put in Furcal as a utility player, what else could Manuel do when Selig tells him to have a utility player? Ditto that for Girardi. No way he wanted Wiggington, especially at the expense of others.

But let’s also be cognizant of the difficult position of the manager. I’m not personally a fan of the bunt, particularly for an AS game where every player should have the bat in their hands based purely on merit, but I recognize that if the game is going to count for something, a roster (at least for managers) should have players that often positional versatility and ‘little things’ like bunting, and players who are good LOOGY’s (Matt Thornton, who was selected over superior teammates Alex Rios and Paul Konerko, though to be fair 1B is clogged). In many respects, that runs counter to the All Star archetype. Those are the guys who are so good, the ‘little things’ aren’t considered in their games, either because their other accomplishments overshadow them or they’re not utilized because they’re expected to be swinging hard for big hits, etc.

But if it’s a tight game, say 2-1, and the AL is up 2-1 with bases loaded in a late inning and Ryan Howard coming to bat, having a LHP like Thornton who throws 100 mph, is smart roster construction, even if it comes at the expense of more deserving players. If you make the game count for something significant, it should be constructed with versatile players of the manager’s choosing. With the game on the line, there’s a reasonable argument to be made that a manager would prefer a guy who’s an expert bunter. I don’t agree with it, but that’s only “fair” under the current system of contradictions.

It’s a damn shame players like Votto, Willingham, Zimmerman, Liriano, Weaver, Latos weren’t selected and guys like Infante, Ryan Howard, Arthur Rhodes, Ty Wiggington, Evan Meek and others are there, but I’m not sure we’ll ever get to the point where players, fans and managers make the right decisions. And I’m not sure of the solution, though I have a few ideas of what should be scrapped going forward.

Suggestions – Bud Selig must go

"Next year I'm going to have the Running of the Brats races determine home field advantage."

The game making a serious impact on the outcome of the playoffs is another issue, as is Bud Selig’s inexplicable reason to tell managers to have utility players on their rosters. Perhaps the most egregious, however, is the requirement that all teams have a representative. Simply put, that’s absurd. Some teams just don’t have that player. Evan Meek is having a nice season. But it’s not so nice that you need a run-off between 5 far more deserving candidates that play every day. There will always be snubs in the All-Star game, but removing some of the inane rules would go a long way toward reducing that result.

Another thought would be to simply tell some of the players, “Hey, you’re not going to play unless this goes extras” so you don’t need to have more mediocre players snapping up innings because the players, fans or managers felt they were “worthy” of playing 2 innings when most measures say they are not.

I’ve never been a huge fan of the AS game to begin with. It’s a glorified exhibition with a whole platitude of rules that often bar the best talent in the game. Having Arthur Rhodes, Omar Infante and Ty Wiggington play a role in which league has a decided advantage in the World Series, to me, is ridiculous. Don’t make it count. Have W-L records determine it or some pertinent team measure.

Beyond that, I’d like to see the MLB do skills competitions, if possible. Expand the home run derby. Players throwing lasers from the outfield onto a target. Who can throw the fastest pitch? Curveballs and sliders with the most break? Who can hit the longest home runs off a tee? A pure hitting contest in which players have to try to hit to different parts of the field in certain situations would be something I’d like to see. A stolen base competition (which would be good with catchers, too) woud also be fun. These are just off the top of my head, but I’d like to see MLB showcase more of their gifted athletes.