Hey folks,

We’re going to try something new here. For tonight’s New York rubber game, I’ll be writing a series of observations on how the game is unfolding, along with recent trends, tendencies and the like. Updates will be done by inning.

Let’s start with a quick preview of the Yanks.

The Yankees will roll out with a lineup of:

Jeter, SS
Gardner, CF
Teixeira, 1B
Rodriguez, 3B
Cano, 2B
Swisher, RF
Cervelli, C
Kevin Russo, LF
Sabathia, SP

We can’t expect too much out of the bottom of the lineup, though Russo has impressed in his short time in The Show and Sabathia is one of the better hitting pitchers in the league. Cervelli’s cooled off considerably since his hot (and unsustainable) start, but most of us knew he’d cool off as that BABip dropped and he was more exposed to pitchers. He also hasn’t had a day off in a week. This should come down to how the Yankees 1-6 players perform. Jeter, Gardner, Teix, A-Rod, Cano and Swish have to get something done, particularly against a good pitcher like Santana. CC needs to start putting lefties away more effectively. His stuff hasn’t looked great in his last few outings. He’s been “gritting” them out. Hopefully he can find his great fastball, slider and changeup and pull off the win.

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Top of the 1st:

*Jeter takes a (surpise!) first pitch into center field in front of Pagan. He made good contact on a fastball, though I’d still prefer to see Jeter you know, take a pitch at some point.

*Brett Gardner again shows that he really has no idea how to bunt, almost losing part of his face. He takes an inside changeup (which looked off the plate) and eventually swung through on a curveball outside. No huge shame in striking out to Johan Santana and it was nice to see he was upset about it. He saw all of Santana’s offerings, so hopefully he’ll be better prepared in his second time up.

*Teix again strikes out. This song is sad. 1 for his last 24. He again looked very hesitant, particularly on his check swing foul. He eventually succumbed to a high fastball (although it registered at 89). I don’t think Teix should be moved down in the order but perhaps giving him a few days off to clear his head would do some good. The timing is all off.

*A-Rod steps in and gets under a pitch, skying one to Alex Cora at second base. Although he struck out twice last night, A-Rod’s been one of the few players shaping into form with 2 hits each in the last seven games of ten games. His power still isn’t quite there. It’ll come back.

Bottom of the 1st:

*Jose Reyes takes a good pitch and slices it pastadiving Jeter, whose range doesn’t look like it’s back to 2009 form. Reyes is way too good to be hitting where he’s at. But who does your hair, Jose? Lastings Milledge? Seriously, it’s weird.

*Alex Cora weakly pops one up on the first pitch. Alex Cora – still not an impressive baseball player.

*Yankee murderer Jason Bay steps up. CC gets ahead of Bay but loses him to a full count before Bay walks on the next pitch. First real mistake. Any contact from Davis scores Reyes. (Except on weird-ass bloops like that.) But then again, Davis is a lefty and CC traditionally knocks lefties around. Not the worst move to pitch Bay carefully.

*David K. Wright is up and bases are loaded. And wow, Wright looked like Teix did in the top half of the inning. 2 outs! CC, despite what the boxscore will say, looked pretty good.

*Angel Pagan, actually a good baseball player, weakly bloops one to Cano. CC escapes. Thanks, Angel!

If a shortstop with decent range is playing SS, Reyes might not get on. CC pitches carefully to Bay and loses out on a weird bloop to Davis before looking really sharp against Wright and eliciting a lazy swing by Jeff Frankenstein.

Top of the 2nd

*Cano rockets a first-pitch fastball to 3rd, gets a single. Man, I marvel at how he controls the bat. Amazing.

*Swisher hits a ball well but unfortunately Frankie catches it by the foul line. That ball park is ridiculous. Why did you build something to resemble Ebbets Field? YOU WEREN’T EVEN THE BROOKLYN DODGERS!

*Cervelli needs a day off. I know he’s a young gun and should be able to play seven consecutive games, but that’s a lot for a catcher. He swings and misses on an absolutely awesome changeup.

Morgan makes an interesting observation: Yankee fans are worried about Yankees. Met fans worried about their team. Fans are not interested in rivalry because of that. What? You actually get paid for this? Most fans don’t actually care much about this “rivalry” anyway. The media does. Most Met fans are merely worthy of pity and light-hearted laughter and take it way more serious than any Yankee fan. We can rest on the laurels of having a baller team with prestige and championships. They have a Shake Shack. It’s close, but we win on that one.

The whole team looks out of sync. They look completely lost against the changeup, which reminds me of their outing against Takawhateverhisnameis.

*Russo hits a fly ball fairly well but directly at Pagan. Like, he didn’t actually have to move at all to catch it.

Bottom 2nd:

*Rod Barajas hit a ball past A-Rod and looks like Jose Molina running the bases. How the fuck did he make it to second? And why do you play at SS, A-Rod? Oh yeah, because Jeter can’t move to his left. Gah!

*Francoeur strikes out. Man, he’s been really, really hurting his team. I think his OBP is below zero. Has anyone entirely fallen from grace like that in the recent memory?

*Johan Santana goes down swinging. Why do pitchers hit? Really. I know it’s antiquated and traditional, but I’d much rather have a serious hitter in the middle of the lineup. Although Girardi must love how many more matchups he can now do with interleague games. Ugh.

*Reyes slices a nice hit to left field but because Barajas runs like Wilfred Brimley, he stays at 3rd. Russo overthrows A-Rod, the cutoff man and it takes a weird bounce off Cervelli’s glove. Reyes advances, which of course means he can now score on pretty much any hit.

Fundamentals, Kevin! And don’t be so awkward in front of Kim Jones next time. We all felt like a 12-year-old boy whose mother just walked in on us masturbating. Really uncomfortable.

*CC juuuuuust misses on what looked like it should have been the third strike on Cora. But Cora is a veteran and should get the borderline call, right? Is that how this works?

Am I the only one who hates the ESPN interface with weird stop lights representing balls strikes and outs?

*Cora hits a fastball in but center mass. Cora ropes one and Barajas and Reyes score. Reyes should not have been on second!

Can you guys stop with this whole “I’m not saying his defense is bad – just looking at the record” or “I’m not saying he’s slow or anything – just looking at the record” thing? Either have the balls to say it or stop saying stupid things like that.

*Cervelli makes a bad throw to second on the Cora steal, Cano

*Jason Bay finally hits a ball over that giant wall they have to keep Arizona migrants out of Citi Field. Fastball down, ball goes up, up and away! 4-0 Mets.

(8:56 – now looking at bottle of whiskey, thinking I should start early.)

*Ike Davis strikes out. Rough inning. Really rough inning. Even worse with the way the offense looks and how well Santana is mixing his pitches. I like the striking out the side but not the middle. It’s like a shit sandwich with great bread.

Top 3rd:

*CC takes a nasty cut on the first pitch. Damn, he can really swing a bat! CC hits a broken bat single to center. Dude is strong.

“I think he hit it off the end of the bat,” Orel says.

No, he didn’t.

*Jeter is up. Wow, hits a good pitch to right field. This is very, very important. Jeter needs to be going to right to be successful.

Joe Morgan tells us Jeter doesn’t look very good. No shit, Joe. “Perfect match-up for Jeter,” he says. Jeter can handle fastball and hits changeups well. You know what? He’s actually right. Jeter has good numbers against Johan. But can you please stop confusing ZZ and Johan? I know they’re both pitchers with pigment and somewhat similar last names, but c’mon, make an effort!

*Brett Gardner slaps a ball to Cora. Double play. Brett Gardner has been ice cold lately.

*And then Teix lunges at a bad pitch. Groundout. Inning over. More stranded runners.

(Bottle of whiskey opened at 9:06)

Bottom of the 3rd:

*David Wright is up. Still looks like Teix. Completely unsure whether to swing or not. Just sad. Timing is totally off.

*Pagan slaps a ball to short. Jeter’s range

Please don’t cite UZR, Miller. I’d be shocked if you could spell it.

Morgan uses “the eye test” and wonders if something is wrong with Jeter or if he’s injured. Fascinating. It’s still highly amusing that Morgan puts no credence in advanced metrics, which continue to say he was much, much better than “traditionalists” think he was.

*Barajas skies a ball to right-center. I still can’t believe Barajas leads this team with 10 home runs.

*Francouer hits one to left field, inning over. Randy Winn caught it. He caught it!

Top 4th:

*A-Rod is up. Hits a high fly ball to right field. Sad trombones toot all over. At least there weren’t any runners to strand.

*Cano then basically does the same thing, except to left field. Santana looks nothing like that guy who gave up something like 40 home runs to the Phillies in his last start.

*Bay makes an awkward-looking catch on a nice liner by Swisher. 7 pitches that inning. Way to at least make him work, guys!

Bottom 4th:

Haha, Girardi blows off the terrible trio. He’s either out with pitchforks and torches in the dugout or he’s sending someone out for some sweets. He just can’t take it anymore!

*Santana weakly grounds out to Jeter, who despite having to physically move toward a moving ball, was somehow able to throw him out.

*Reyes is up and pops out to Teix in foul territory.

Morgan tells us that a “dynamic” leadoff hitter is different than just a leadoff hitter. On another note, did you all know that oranges and clementines are kind of different?

Oh my lord, runs are not the end-all, be-all! You scoring runs is dependent upon others’ performances. They are not a great barometer of production. It’s one thing to hate seeing the team look awful, it’s another to have to also listen to Joe Morgan.

*Cora grounds out to Sabathia.

The Trio discusses Strat-O-Matic, liken it to bloody knuckles. Bottle of whiskey shrinking in volume.

Top 5th:

Manuel also blows off Trio. Probably busy playing the board game “Operation” with John Maine.

Oh, Jerry’s there. They found him!

Incredible interview with Manuel. Basically he said that his team will be tough on opposing teams if their “big guys” are producing.

*Cervelli weakly pops up. I think pitchers are starting to figure him out…

*Kevin Russo misses on a nasty changeup. Santana looks absolutely filthy.

I can’t believe Jose Lima is dead. I mean, just wow. If he was going to go, his wife should have done the noble thing and had him suffocate on her gigantic bosoms. Alas, life is not fair. RIP Lima Time.

*Sabathia K’s. More frustration setting in. This game is not looking good. Pitching hasn’t been very good, defense (mostly Jeter) not looking good, offense is away on vacation.

Bottom 5th:

*Jason Bay hits a second home run and it was a no-doubter. I mean clobbered. In right-center, no less. Sabathia appeared to have left another in the center, but you know what? It really wasn’t a bad pitch. It was a bit off the plate but Bay put an awesome swing on it. Sometimes you just tip your cap.

*Ike Davis hits a blooper and Cano runs around to center field, trying to Willie Mays it. Nope, bad luck persists. Ball drops.

*Cervelli gets crossed up by Sabathia, Davis advances to second. When it rains, it Katrinas. Still no outs.

*David Wright wails on a ball over Russo’s head. He plays it really awkwardly. Maybe this Russo OF experiment isn’t a fantastic one. Then again, he’s only needed to be kind of decent for it to be a solid plan. So whatever. Besides, in a decent stadium, that’s gone. Yankees luck out even though it’s a double and Davis scores.

Still no outs.

A Sergio Mitre Experience? Yes? Is it fucked up that I’m happy to see Sergio Mitre warming in the bullpen? Yes, I think it is.

*Sabathia starting to get wild. Baaaaaadly missing. We haven’t really seen CC with his best stuff at all this year. At least not that I can remember. Even the games he’s had good stats, he just hasn’t looked the same as we saw in 2009. Or am I letting my emotions run wild and cloud objectivity?

*Pagan retired! First out! A victory! Huzzah!

I think someone made a joke about bringing Daniel Murphy back up. Not sure if serious.

*Sign of the apocalypse – Jeff Francoeur just walked. I know it was intentional to get to Santana, but it still seems insane.

Takahashi and RA Dickey (awful knuckleballer) are their 4,5 starters. I suddenly feel a little better.

Miller and Morgan basically saying Mejia should be in the bullpen this year because he can better serve the team. Nevermind that you’re significantly setting back his development or anything. Whatever. Oh, and the Joba situation? Of course you’d bring that up. Joba actually did very well in 2008 before injury and had some up-and-down as a very, very young starter in 2009. Am I thrilled with how it’s went? No, but please shut the fuck up Jon and Joe.

Top 6th:

Joe Morgan is fascinated by naked people playing guitars with cowboy boots and hats. This is not at all surprising. My guess? That was a hooker, Joe. An inventive one, but still a hooker.

*More bad luck. Jeter strikes a good ball to right field but right at Franceour. This is a very encouraging sign.

*Gardner continues his recent slide of futility, weakly chopping the ball to second. 0-3 now.

*Teix swings at the first ball he sees and grounds it to David Wright, who makes a great diving play. Although Reyes probably would have gotten him anyway if Wright didn’t grab at it.

63 pitches for Santana. In 6 innings. Wow. This is like a BP session for him. At least this has been a Joe West approved game on the Yankee end.

Bottom 6th:

GOING TO BAKE GOOD LUCK COOKIES. WILL PROBABLY MISS THIS INNING.

Just thought about Joe Morgan thinking about some guy porking his daughter. Scheduling therapy session. Will return to baking cookies.

*Reyes out, Cora strikes out. Bay is up. Ohhhh boy. A warning? Seriously. That was clearly, clearly not intentional. It was a 75 mph pitch that he just lost. Even Jerry is like, “What? Really? You’re fucking me, too?”

Umps suck and all, but I can’t say I’m too upset to see Bay get a bruise.

*Ike Davis grounds out to second.

And I’m starting to get very drunk. Have had way too much whiskey. Might not make it all nine.

Top 7th:

*A-Rod pops out weakly, Cano grounds out to 3rd. Apart from the first two innings, I don’t recall the Yankees even putting up a single runner.

Miller confirms it. Haven’t had a runner since then.

*Swisher takes a four-pitch walk? I think Johan is screwing with us.

By the way, how the hell did Tim Wakefield outpitch Roy Halladay? I know baseball is strange and sometimes knuckleballers are just unhittable, but I’d take the bet of Halladay over

Asian girl with Mr. Met is cute. Anyong!

*Cervelli is up and works the count to three balls. Is Santana tiring or just bored? Wow, that was a weird hit. I think that went out! Instant replay! You know what would be sweet? It would be sweet if we had a decent view of what happened. Isn’t the orange line out?

Does anyone know what the rules are at Citi Field? Bueller? Bueller? You should have at least run that shit out, Frankie.

*Russo flies out after getting two bullshit ball/strike calls.

Still don’t understand why Cervelli didn’t run or why the Mets thought it was a good idea to design a stadium like that.

Bottom 7th:

*David Wright is retired, as is Pagan and Barajas. Don’t look now but Mitre is doing well. Really well. The Experience – right now, you want it.

They should keep Jerry Manuel. Anyone who thinks Alex Cora should be hitting in the 2-spot, Reyes in the 3-spot, Mejia is best served as an under-utilized set-up man at age 20, and makes awesome jokes about Ollie Perez and John Maine should absolutely manage the Mets. In fact, I hope he never retires as Mets manager. If he does, only Ozzie or Emmit Smith should take over. Your beard is weird.

Top 8th:

More of this “I don’t want to say…” crap, this time about New Yorkers driving faster than others. YES, YOU DO WANT TO SAY IT. Just say it! You basically already have!

Haha, they show the clip of Thames somehow managing to run over the bat. Amazing. Seriously, I was kind of impressed in how it happened. It reminds me of the story where some boulder in the middle of the desert had been on one spot for hundreds of thousands of years. Never moved. Some guy – the only guy for miles – is driving by and the boulder falls on his car. He’d won the lottery days before. Yeah, suck on that, Alanis!

*Thames walks.

Love Thames against lefties. Hate Thames in the field. Just utilize him correctly, will ya, Joe?

*Jeter grounds a ball to a middle infielder. That’s okay, you’ve looked better tonight Jeetes.

*Teix appears. He’s alive! He’s alive! He’s aliiiiiiiiiiive! Sort of. He made a nice swing and scorched one up the middle. Thank fucking Christ.

*A-Rod draws a walk. Santana not looking very sharp now. He’s out! Bases loaded! Is there any pie?

*Cano pops up, rally over. More runners left on base.

Is this what it feels like to be a Met fan?

Bottom 8th:

*It’s a Booooooone sighting. Who’s more hated – Boone or Winn? Tough call but I’m going to say Winn. Fans see more of him

Well, Boone got the first out. Nice! He did something good! Broken clock phrase appropriate here.

*Tatis hits a ball to left field.

I’m sure Girardi has a fantasy team and loaded it up with Mets hitters beforehand, knowing he’d give Logan a an inning.

*Logan gets Reyes on a groundout double play. He didn’t allow a single run. No really! He didn’t!

Top 9th:

Last licks, boys!

*Some guy named Igarashi is throwing 95 mph balls past Swisher. Kei Igawa somewhere adjusts his shades.

*Swisher walks and the final ball was so far outside it almost hit Prince Fielder.

*Cervelli bloops one over into the outfield. Men on 1st and 2nd.

Another 9th inning rally. It would be easier if you guys could do this earlier in the game, guys.

*Kevin Russo hits one back to the pitcher; should have been a double play, men on 1st and 3rd. He swung at a ball.

*Juan Miranda hits a single to right, a runner scores.

K-Rod is coming in. Brian Bruney is somewhere in the middle of nowhere, smiling. K-Rod has thrown about a million pitches in the past few games, hasn’t he?

*Jeter’s up. K-Rod throws a curveball over his head, then misses outside before coming back with a strike.

Miller has no idea what a strike or ball is at this point. He needs a nap.

That curveball is fucking crazy. Weird hanging ball with interesting dip.

*Holyfuckingshit, Jeter! Creams a hanging curveball inside. He looks really good tonight. Well, offensively at least. Not so much on D. But whatevs, he’s been pretty much the lone bright spot. 6-3, men on 2nd and 3rd with Brett Gardner up.

*Gardner chops a ball and it looked like Davis was off the bag and got his foot back when Gardner landed on it. What happened to tie goes to the runner? Joe Morgan has never heard of it. Is this like the ball beat you? Fucking bullshit.

*Teix  somehow gets on base luckily even though it was a real shit hit. Can’t believe he made it.

*A-Rod v K-Rod ends in tragedy. It was a great battle but ultimately A-Rod lost out to a little button hook curve down the middle. He fouled off a lot of pitches and even missed his pitch a few times.

That sucks, but it’s emblematic of the team’s struggles lately. Still, A-Rod is not to blame. He’s been one of the few players that have shown up in the last 10 games. He deserves no derision or scorn. There’s plenty of that to go around –from the starting pitching to the bullpen and the defense. The team isn’t just performing, and it’s not only because of injury.

What an awful series so far. It reminds me of when we were swept by the Natinals in 2009. Not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but even the win wasn’t one I like to see. Tons of missed opportunities and we didn’t play particuarly well, aside from Javy.

Well folks, after 3600 words, that’s all. We might do this again sometime. Hopefully it’s a better game.